Hunt On For Deadly Zoo Kittens Following Escape

Bennett fiction zoo artCHIMPLI—Two victims are dead and several others are hurt after the zoo’s wild kittens escaped Friday. All but two of the kittens have been captured. Officials are conducting a search.

The kittens are wild, venomous, and 80-clawed.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, the manager of the zoo, told reporters, “It was horrible! People had no chance of survival until the military arrived in their helicopters with tranquilizer darts!”

Mayor John Chimpli told reporters the escape is so bad because these cats can mistake humans for long play toys.

“Don’t hold any cat items, just for good measure,” he added as a precaution.

Chimpli said that an estimated 1.2 people are clawed by wild kittens each millennium.

Schwarzenegger says that theories of how this happened are that a zoo employee opened the gate to feed the kittens but then the felines charged out.

“Another theory,” he said, “is that the key to the gate was carelessly left in the keyhole” and the cats were curious and turned the key to get out.

Schwarzenegger said zoo staff will hire more careful staff and build sturdier gates to prevent this from happening again.

— By Bennett Snyder for the “Bennett Times.”

We practiced reaching out to witnesses and other sources, both official and otherwise, for supporting information.
We practiced reaching out to witnesses and other sources (both official and otherwise) for supporting information.

Politics matters to all of us. It shapes our lives

GET OUT THE VOTE: Presidential hopeful U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., speaks at a campaign rally in fall 2015. Students and others in the community should get involved in the issues, write fifth-grader Diana Yaseen.
GET OUT THE VOTE: Presidential hopeful U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., speaks at a campaign rally in fall 2015. Students and others in the community should get involved in the issues, writes fifth-grader Diana Yaseen.

MY FAMILY ANDDIANA-MUG I went to a rally for Bernie Sanders, who is running for president. He is a state senator from Vermont. It was loud — it was in a big auditorium, the MassMutual Center in Springfield, that seats about 8,000 people. My mom later said 6,000 came.

Bernie Sanders is older than I expected. I thought he was going to be a young man. He had a massive amount of energy but after a while I got bored and felt like falling asleep.

I saw a lot of signs being passed around. Some people made their own signs. There were bumper stickers and pins.

My mom, my sister, three strangers who became our friends, and I held up letters that spelled out “Bernie.”

I don’t think he saw us — his back was facing us.

A lot of people were cheering. One section cheered, “Feel the Bern!” Many of his supporters started this cheer by going, “Feel the—” and the crowd cheered back, “Bern!”

He said he wants to be president because he thinks he can help the community by making four-year colleges and universities tuition-free.

He said if the police do something wrong [police brutality] they should be sent to jail, not just let off the hook.

He also said he is in favor of gun control because guns are dangerous and are used to kill people.

I agree with him. But if you don’t that’s OK. The important thing is to start getting involved in the issues. You can help in your community in lots of ways, even without voting for president. But the best way to help others is to stand up for what you believe in and care about politics.

Right now the president is Barack Obama, a Democrat, who has served almost two four-year terms, and that’s the maximum. The next presidential election is Nov. 8, 2016.

I think people should care about politics because it’s going to build our future.

Fifth-grader Diana Yaseen is a Flow staffer. These are her personal views. We welcome reader letters reflecting a wide range of respectful opinions at letters@bseflow.com.

Hogwarts Closed, Maybe For Good, After Friday Blast; No Injuries Reported

Diana fiction PotterHOGWARTS—A student’s spell exploded Friday, seven days before the Halloween feast, and destroyed a classroom. Sources say the famous wizarding school might be closed forever.

John the Ghost witnessed the explosion: “The whole potions class exploded! There were pig feathers everywhere. Ron was finishing an experiment for a quiz, and kaboom!” he said.

According to Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, nobody was hurt or killed. There were 36 students in class at the time, led by Professor Severus Snape.

Classes are cancelled for at least a year while Snape’s classroom is being repaired. A spokesman for Renalde Repair Company said Hogwarts might be in for many repairs or “might be closed forever.”

Ron Weasley, covered in ashes, told reporters he was still shaken up by the incident.

“I was just doing a potions quiz, and as usual just added stuff in and hoped it wouldn’t blow up. But it ended up as a colossal problem,” he said.

This is not the first time a student has burned or exploded a classroom, Dumbledore told reporters. “Once it happened in February, when the classroom was burned to the bone. In March 16 desks were in flame. In April the walls were dented beyond repair. But this time,” he said, eyeing Weasley grimly, “it’s colossal.”


 

Every story the kids tackle involves collaboration, with peers asking follow-up questions that then help develop ideas and voices. Here Diana reads her Harry Potter-based news story to Ainsley Bogel, left, and Hannah Chase.
Every story the kids tackle involves collaboration, with peers asking follow-up questions that then help develop ideas and voices. Here Diana Yaseen presents a draft of her Harry Potter-based news story to Ainsley Bogel, left, and Hannah Chase.

Cow Finds Beef at Sherry’s Bridge Street Vegan Café

Bogel fiction cowSHELBURNE FALLS—On Saturday, Sept. 12, 2034, a cow was having a nice meal at Sherry’s Vegan Café on Bridge Street when he had to go to the bathroom.

“I directed him to the hall and told him to take the first door on the left,” waiter Wren Savoy told the press. “I forgot cows don’t know their left and right.”

Owner Sherry Anderson added, “He must have taken the first door on the right, which leads to the freezers.”

And in those freezers he made a grisly discovery: beef.

The cow was shocked by that discovery and now says he plans to sue the café for false advertising.

Health Department head Andrew Parkhull, who later inspected the café, told reporters, “We also found shrimp and several expired chicken breasts inside. We tend to agree with the cow that the café at least appears dishonest.”

According to Anderson, the beef might have been hanging in the freezer because of employee error.

“It might have been one of my interns. They seem very secretive lately,” she told the Bugle.

According to the café’s attorney, Stephen Schmitt, “the cow has the right to sue the company for $20,000.85, but first this will have to be taken to court.”

Judging from the aggravated way the cow said “Moo!” we think he is quite angry at this restaurant, reported Sharon Brown, a local cow language director.

Store owners everywhere said they are appalled by what appears to be dishonest business practices, as the café promises “There is never any beef on our premises.”

“We agree this is making a bad reputation for all our town restaurants, so we will have to straighten this out,” said Tom from Tom’s Seafood by the Sea. “We plan to further investigate this and get our reputation back to normal.”

The cow’s favorite food at Sherry’s reportedly is tomato soup and Caesar salad. He said through an interpreter that he is so appalled at what he found that he swears to never eat those foods again.

The cow’s farmer told reporters, “He seems very disappointed that they let him believe they were actually vegan.”

If you have any inside information on this case, please call the Health Department at 555-3657.

— By Ainsley Bogel and Eliza Bogel for the Greenfield “Bugle.”


 

Ainsley Bogel, left, and her sister, Eliza, pursued a moo-ving story touching on business news.
Ainsley Bogel, left, and her sister, Eliza, jointly pursued a fast-moo-ving story touching on the business community.

One Day Remains to Save World as Cursed Cats Conquer

DOOMED? The Earth is in peril after a stolen gem leads to near-certain catastrophe.
DOOMED? The Earth is in peril after a stolen gem leads to near-certain catastrophe.

‘Chosen One’ with rainbow rash
sought for quest

GREENSKY HILLS—If you are the Chosen One, the world depends on you! You are our only hope! The world might have as little as one day left!

Local residents screamed in terror as a thief from Screamville — widely known as an evil place that brings doom — first killed hundreds of dogs and cats as he stole the town’s “Cat Eye” jewel. All residents were found killed in the incident.

“Apparently cats are now taking over,” former Greensky Hills resident Jerry Algert told Cat Times. “Now that cats are taking over and slaughtering humanity, the world will lose balance and then our precious world will be destroyed.”

Algert, who happened to be away on vacation when his town was destroyed, said he returned to find he has lost his parents, sister, grandmother, dog, and job as a mechanic.

The thief is in jail but the jewel is still lost. According to magical-item
specialist John Parker, the Cat Eye is magical and controls cats all over the world. If anyone takes it, Parker said, “the cats take over and after five days the world will be destroyed. That means we only have one day left to set things right again.”

Screams in the background almost drowned out Parker’s comments to this reporter.

According to Garry Smithman Schnike, a worker in Cat Times, the only way to return the natural balance is to go on a dangerous journey that takes you on a path and go against cats, “which means you have a 99 percent chance of being killed,” he warned.

He added, “Beware: The cats are armed with scythes, swords, daggers, bows and arrows, and — last but not least — a death-ray machine.”

Anyone who gets shot by the death ray machine will automatically die, Schnike warned.

He said that only the Chosen One can survive this madness. The dangerous journey will take three days to get to the end of the path unless you’re the Chosen One, who will be known by a huge rainbow rash on his or her forehead.

The Chosen One is asked to report to Cat Times by calling 555-1908.


 

Hannah writes fiction
Breaking news with Hannah Chase!