Hunt On For Deadly Zoo Kittens Following Escape

Bennett fiction zoo artCHIMPLI—Two victims are dead and several others are hurt after the zoo’s wild kittens escaped Friday. All but two of the kittens have been captured. Officials are conducting a search.

The kittens are wild, venomous, and 80-clawed.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, the manager of the zoo, told reporters, “It was horrible! People had no chance of survival until the military arrived in their helicopters with tranquilizer darts!”

Mayor John Chimpli told reporters the escape is so bad because these cats can mistake humans for long play toys.

“Don’t hold any cat items, just for good measure,” he added as a precaution.

Chimpli said that an estimated 1.2 people are clawed by wild kittens each millennium.

Schwarzenegger says that theories of how this happened are that a zoo employee opened the gate to feed the kittens but then the felines charged out.

“Another theory,” he said, “is that the key to the gate was carelessly left in the keyhole” and the cats were curious and turned the key to get out.

Schwarzenegger said zoo staff will hire more careful staff and build sturdier gates to prevent this from happening again.

— By Bennett Snyder for the “Bennett Times.”

We practiced reaching out to witnesses and other sources, both official and otherwise, for supporting information.
We practiced reaching out to witnesses and other sources (both official and otherwise) for supporting information.

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