‘Chosen One’ with rainbow rash
sought for quest
GREENSKY HILLS—If you are the Chosen One, the world depends on you! You are our only hope! The world might have as little as one day left!
Local residents screamed in terror as a thief from Screamville — widely known as an evil place that brings doom — first killed hundreds of dogs and cats as he stole the town’s “Cat Eye” jewel. All residents were found killed in the incident.
“Apparently cats are now taking over,” former Greensky Hills resident Jerry Algert told Cat Times. “Now that cats are taking over and slaughtering humanity, the world will lose balance and then our precious world will be destroyed.”
Algert, who happened to be away on vacation when his town was destroyed, said he returned to find he has lost his parents, sister, grandmother, dog, and job as a mechanic.
The thief is in jail but the jewel is still lost. According to magical-item
specialist John Parker, the Cat Eye is magical and controls cats all over the world. If anyone takes it, Parker said, “the cats take over and after five days the world will be destroyed. That means we only have one day left to set things right again.”
Screams in the background almost drowned out Parker’s comments to this reporter.
According to Garry Smithman Schnike, a worker in Cat Times, the only way to return the natural balance is to go on a dangerous journey that takes you on a path and go against cats, “which means you have a 99 percent chance of being killed,” he warned.
He added, “Beware: The cats are armed with scythes, swords, daggers, bows and arrows, and — last but not least — a death-ray machine.”
Anyone who gets shot by the death ray machine will automatically die, Schnike warned.
He said that only the Chosen One can survive this madness. The dangerous journey will take three days to get to the end of the path unless you’re the Chosen One, who will be known by a huge rainbow rash on his or her forehead.
The Chosen One is asked to report to Cat Times by calling 555-1908.